Byjango...calm down you old trout!!!!!

Takes a deep breath, ahhhhhh!!!!!!!
Missed a post last week old chaps .. I was rather wound up with the news about that poor kid that lost his life to some rather called people , who..are classed as humans!!!!!
I wrote a lot of stuff about it but when re-read had turned myself into a animal who was out to take revenge for the loss of all the other kids also who as we speak are getting the similar treatment and its all going on under our noses.......
It all became rather heavy and in plain language spelt out what should be done..... but anyone reading it already knows what should be done...... and so I shall not be going down that road.......

Another deep breath...Ahhhhhh!!! that's better....
Life on old mother earth don't really change it's the humans living here that create all the troubles..Byjingo sometimes I think ...well thank ya gods I ain't human.....life in a ward ain't that bad even if its just all in ya head!!!! what!!! rather old bean.....
Right ... Banks and money ...well well ....everyone takes the cash when it's given to them on a plate even when ya know ya have to pay it back ten times over.....so what do the people who run it all say..... well we gave too much away too easy and this free for all of cash suddenly runs dry...and bingo!!!! no cash, no cash flow, no business...... BUSTED!!!!!!!!
Ah but the wise ones now have a plan.... give cash to create spending!!!!!! Hang on a tick byjingo..
is that not how the whole mess started??????????

Crazy ain't it ????
Byjingo I'm still waiting to get my human driving licence back from the powers who be.. no, no, no not a human driving in that sense...me car .....
I had to give it up as the old brain seizure I had 12 months ago almost killed me... had all the test done....cant find much...well !!! that's not a surprise is it!!!!
It was not until I did my own research into what happened to me on that day that I found out ...and its common knowledge, apart from the people who should know.. IE doctors, consultants and the guys who dish out all the drugs and medication ...TO MAKE YOU BETTER...
Byjingo ohhhh they made me almost 100% better to the point where I would feel no more pain....
They had changed my medication, well a pain killer and not checked the fact that when taken with other medication that I am on only can be fatal, kill, smoke ya out..put ya lights out!!!!!!
not until I told them and they looked it up....ahhhh!!! yes it could well be that they said....
Oh that's OK then I ain't gonna take that drug again!!!!! er!!!! hold on!!!! it almost killed me, thanks to the good old paramedics they kept me alive........ did anyone say sorry ?

Byjingo me and the NHS I could write a book about all the episodes... from cleaners , cleaning a ward and toilets with the same mop and bucket to the consultant performing an operation , and letting his next in command av a go at this one routine and leaving a small fragment of metal from the forceps they broke inside my kidney..... did I ever sue em ?? no .....
Sue em everyone shouted... byjingo easy for them to say .. they ain't the one who keeps on going in and out of the butchers shop in the first place ....
Me got an axe to grind ? never .... I have found out the hard way since the age of 23 .. now 50..
brittle bones, kidney stones. .... calcification of prostrate....
then you see the endocrinology squad who after years tell you they cant pin point the problem but stay in touch with them so they can monitor the problems ...
All this and more has gone on ...... but at the end of the day, I'm still here that poor kid and many others are not ..... what justice do the victims get ? .... In my eyes I can't see any ... and its a sorry fact of human life that because of no justice it will happen time and time again, sadly.
I hope the next post puts a smile on ya face and not a tear in ya eye for them kids but never forget em guys ;-0

Meanwhile back at the clinic!!!!!

Hmmmm!!!! more tea vicar....
pass the scones Bishop, what!!!! rather old bean!!!
Byjingo why is this planet obsessed with colour of skin?????? Back on old planet Zog and come to think of it on Jingo now we are all colours, but we don't even take any notice of it!!!
Whats the big deal with all this black and white stuff?????
The guy is a human who will help run the U.S.A. Whats with the first black man this and white man that.....all seems strange to me when all the media and others preach how this thing you call racism should be wiped off the earth...then they go around saying black man, white man....
What the heck!!!!! It does not matter what your colour is ... just get on with sorting out this crazy planet......
Byjingo!!!! until you humans sort out all these chips on ya shoulders you will never get anywhere.........hypocrite's comes to my mind!!!! Just get on with life in peace...

Still, all this falls on deaf ears ... it's a shame this could be a place to live in peace and a global place that everyone has enough food and comfortable life style.....
O.K so you would still get the nutcase that want trouble or wants more cash than anyone else (greed).... its in a human instinct that's been with you for 1000's of years... and I hate to say it but one thinks it will never go away.......

Now , all was quite on the ward last night...Matron, she be the one who must be obeyed.. was on her usual walk abouts.... not a sound could be heard, which is unusual.
Suddenly from out of the dark of the night came a sound that I had never came across.....
was it a leak from the roof ? No... its not raining...
drip drip splosh!!!! Ohhh no my incontinence pants!!!!!!
Quick as a flash I got out me Dunlop tyre repair tin.... Byjingo that was a close shave,what!!!!
Then crash!!!! Bang!!!!! What the!!!!!
The lights went on and on the floor lay Matron....not happy .... not with a smile on her face.....
she had crept up on me to check I was asleep and slipped on the puddle under and around the bed......
Now I'm in for it I thought to myself....
More blue sweets for me today I thought...... Matron is a rather large human with very long hair.. and that's just from under her armpits... her beard is quite short... her glasses thick...
Ohhh !!! my!!!!! will I wake up and its all a dream????
Or am I in for a week on the sweets and injections.... not to mention the 250 volt 55 amp cable attached to me head again.....
Still this is a crazy planet so anything goes .... and who care's anyway.... not many , me thinks!!!!

MONEY BAHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Byjingo ,what...country's here on little ole planet earth going bust????
I say , what..... hedge funds going bust...hmmmmmm what about pensions?? " Yes " shouts the vicar.......
Not looking good for the next year or so here on planet earth with this Global money problem.... ahhhh but its OK for the one 's who have a fortune, well maybe not if they all go bust....
what a mess this is getting!!!!!! never had this thing happen on Zog...... but then again we not driven by greed and we ain't human.......
Still it will sort itself out in the end .... funny but I did talk about how a high percentage of humans really dont know what is going on around them... local council election and they think their vote will change the government!!!!! ehhhh !!! ho!!! that's always been that way and probably always will...
OK we all need money to pay bills and to eat and put the old shirt on ya back, what.... but its all gone too far now with all the luxury items one thinks that you should have as just part of normal life .... cant see the fact that buying or needing the items, which are marketed in a way to make you believe that you do need that item , is making shed loads of cash for others ... OK that's what a business is about , making money at the end of the day but when you see people in so called free speech and democratic society's with no cash for heating and food... somethings wrong I say....
On comes the add on TV to ask you to pay cash towards people starving in another country.. when at the end of the day the people in that country don't help or sort out the problems themselves!!! How crazy is that!!!! look in your own backyard and just see how many are struggling to live a comfortable life or even existence in your own country's!!!!!
Byjingo this planet sure is strange!!!
Yes its a shame that all this poverty is still going on everywhere indeed... "I will say a prayer" Say's the vicar... hmmmmmm I'm sure that will solve the worlds problems, what!!!!! tallyho!

Society , well as the one we had on Zog , was not a place where we all shared stuff and nobody became rich and famous byjingo no!!!! you must create wealth but without the greed was our motto on Zog..
at one point on Zog when the last of the food supplies had gone all the Zonk's in the bank could not save a life.... byjingo if you ever try eating a Zonk mind your teeth...although you can chew it for hours but no nutrition at all .... so to dust ya go!!!!!!!
Another thing is ... why blame others all the time for your own misdoings..own up and take it on the chin ... that way you learn ....
On the other hand , go to war over a problem... tallyho!!! that will create smokescreens and create more jobs in the rebuilding of a planet.... BUT!!!! I bet 99.9% of the poor old chaps and ladies who live on the planet don't want wars they just want to live a life with some comfort...
But nobody in control ever asks them ... after all living in peace ain't gonna create wealth on its own..... or would it?????????????

Common sense???

Ahhh !! another day on planet earth, more space junk on the way to the moon.
Looking for water!!! Byjingo that could be one long journey for a newspaper and a Mars bar.... I could tel em they ain't going to get much water on the moon old chaps, what!!!!
" Ahhhh!! but they are going to map the surface also", I'm told by the Bishop... "Ohhh well that makes it all worth while I'm sure!!!"
I was told a little thing the other night by the vicar , we had just finished our last supper, well that's what old Bish and Vic call it......
As we sat crossed legs on the mat he told me about a little kitten that was sleeping in the corner of a room when suddenly he was woken by the sound of a bowl of milk being put down on the floor.... up the kitten gets and goes and drinks the milk.... once its gone back to his warm place and falls asleep again...
"Byjingo" I shouts out!!! with that the Bishop spilt his gin and tonic, " sorry Bish" ... what a daft kitten I thought... how come he just woke up and walked over, drank the milk then fell asleep again????
Byjove!! Why not walk up to the bowl and think ... hold on what is this?? where did it come from??? who put it on the floor???? whats in it????? whats it made of???????is it safe????????
But no!!!!! He drank , he slept and that became his life....well that was until he went outside and got hit by a steam roller!!!!!!!! nine lives.....don't think so old bean...

So if anyone is reading this ....which one are you similar to????????????????
It seems to me after spending 50 years or so here on and off!! That a good 80% or even more humans don't really know what is going on around them but then again do they need too???

The other night, whilst fixing my external micro brain transmitter on the kitchen table, I looked at the Vicars nut's...... "Byjingo!! how long have you had those" I asked him.... "All my life old bean " he said.... "no, no, no, those Brazil nuts on the table".... "ohhhh those "... "A few months now, got em the same time as those oranges"......
"Ahhhh!!!" said I.... "I forgot a lot of your food stuff is irradiated" ... "yep" he said" but who cares"... hmmmmmm!!!! only the ones that produce your food stuffs and want a longer shelf life I suppose......
Byjingo in the old days we never did that sort of thing or added chemicals to our food...strange how time changes and thoughts change also.....
"Who cares that the world is flat".....shouted the Bishop "its not" I said..." ohhh I thought it was ", "me too "shouted the Vicar...... ahhhhhhh boy has this planet got a lot to learn.......

Time ..faster than light!!!

Byjingo!! once a week or every day! what!!!!!
The days and weeks and months fly past me!!! When your young the oldies say "just you see how time fly's when you get older" yep!! they were the wise old ones... indeed, it does......

I did warn you that the format was going to be a little different!!!
So where was we.. ahhhh yes! Tallyho!!! The old planet Zog was a great place to live but while here on earth I was watching Deal or No Deal ... sad old fart that I is... I was astonished , no shocked to hear the old Noel Edmund talk about planet Zog !!!! Quick jump in the craft and tell the others to pack the bags i thought..
Got on to the old steam valve dio-transceiver .... CQ CQ CQ DX ... CQ CQ CQ DX ... Ohhhh bugger that its faster to fly in person , so off I went.
Byjove when arriving at Zog they all fell about laughing .How news travels fast in the outer Galaxy.
So back to earth I fell!!! Bump!!!! Ouchhhhhh!!!
"Vicar , if I told you once I aint gona tell ya again , stop putting those vodka bottles on my chair"

With all the Zogonian Cash problems you could hardly get any change from a Zonk. the value was dropping fast. So were the Bank's Byjingo Byjove , even they were going bust . With that a few of us decided it was time to leave our beloved Zog and find another place to live... That's when we came across Planet Jingo... well never had a name and I suggested Jingo and the rest was history so to speak.. to coin a phrase ..
When your rulers tell you they will only guarantee 50000 Zonk of your savings it does make one stop and think ... hold on how much confidence do they have in the banking system!!!!!
The old Zogonian shares was another alarm bell, "lookout vicar another stuka!!!"...
The market falls everyone sells..... STOP THINK!!!! if they sell .. who is buying???????
What a way to make a planet go round in the 21st century ......

Still the end of the day came for all those left on Zog .. Too busy worrying about stocks shares , cash.... what about the Zogonians the ones who had no Zonk's the buy a bit of bread ... ahhhh no they will be here for all time so why sort them out... as long as we make cash and our life style gets better sod em!!!!!
Well , did they have a problem , whilst worrying about the finance litte did they know .. and I had warned em not to take life for granted, the old Zogonian Sun had shone its last ray of radiation!!!! Flash !!! Bang !!!! Whoooshhh!!!! out it went... shone for millions of years but as we all know all good things must end!! So those left on Zog ain't got a bean, in fact they don't even have a life never mind worrying about all the cash..... Sun gone, Zog gone....

Meanwhile , life on Jingo goes on we only have one small problem ... well a rather large problem Byjingo!!! what!!! I say!!
When we left Zog looking for another world we forgot to bring the female of our specious with us... Oh well !! we now building more craft and will be invading other planets looking for mates...
so keep looking over ya shoulder ..you never know!!!
Must dash the vicar has his fly caught in the Bishops frock again.... I keep telling em wait till you get to the river before putting ya fly on the line!!!!
More salmon Vicar!!!!!!!

Once a day or once a week?

Byjingo..I can't make up this small mind of mine to do a post once a day or a week!!!!
I say!!! I thought Zog had its problems but planet earth, well can't do much about that old chaps...
The vicar has gone out with the Bishop something about removing a foreign body... all will be revealed as time tick's on.
I found out I was sent to earth to look for a long lost relative called Gezuss, who came here over two thousand years ago.... he was a little bit strange also.. I still have not found him but found a lot of info about him and his exploits, again I will tell more as the blog progresses.

Back on Zog when it was in full swing and everyone was spending like there was no tomorrow, raising cash was no problem , the Bank's were just giving it away and the old financial advisers would get whatever amount you needed..byjingo .. what!!! They would they got all the commission!!!!!
Still as the banks went down one by one ... all because the Zogonian government would not guarantee savings unlimited .. silly old buggas.. everyone took out the cash and stored it in the old bread bins......
So down went some of the banks, the others were taken over but that never worked as the government went bankrupt......well byjove we thought sod this and off we went to find a new home.... and so planet Jingo was born.
A few weeks latter the old sun that provided Zog with light and heat decided to burn out and with it went Zog... The old Zogonians never seen that one coming!!!!! Told em not to take it all for granted but they never did listen to me.

As for the vicar he lives with the Bishop in the same clinic as me and the rest of the crew .... overseen by Matron... big lady, hair down to her elbows and that's just the hair under her arms!!!
no nonsense taken by Matron... old school .. but more about her later on...
Now .. where was I... ahhhh yes I remember!!! tallyho!!! "lookout vicar another stuka"......
Do I add a bit here everyday or every week... I have so much rubbish to ramble on about but the old medication does take effect and cause a little confusion .. but for me to get confused is not a very difficult situation to find myself in .... now where did I put the vicars vodka bottle!!!!

Well must dash, I need to get me propulsion crystal fixed on me craft!!!! one other thing...byjingo!!! try not to make me laugh as I use a pair of Zogonian incontinence pants mark 11.....they will only hold about 25 litres then burst so I have asked the professor to design a new pair so that this problem does not occur...what!!!! rather old bean!!!! nothing worse than avin a good laugh and ya pants explode!!!

Day One

Byjingo!!! Where do I start!!! well I ain't going to be in the same format as everyone else that's for sure.
I'm a 50 year old Zogonian..sent from Zog as I was a little different from the rest..well ok I'm a mutant alien...although I do look human but not on the same wavelength as most.
I'm into photography and thinking out of the box if possible. Based in the U.K.....

Well start at the start as they say... born in 1958 .. father was in the Royal Corp Of Signals...the good old M.O.D. sent him to Japan ...Hiroshima for some rest and recoup for a few days... byjingo that was one hell of a Holiday camp in those days, what!!!! I say ...rather old boy!!
Anyway I have been ill for a number of years now with low bone density problems and producing Kidney stones most of the time.... Byjove if I could polish em up and set into rings I would be rich today for sure.
As time ticked past me whilst not feeling too good and unable to work I discovered through brain transmissions that I am really a alien mutant from a planet called Zog!!!!
But because of problems on Zog a few of us left the planet and found a planet just up the road from Zog that was uninhabited, so we have now taken it over and named it Planet Jingo.

Now I'm starting to get a little lost with the plot here so may take some time out but as an Zogonian we do seem to wonder off subject quite a lot of the time..... and our English is not the worlds best but us Zogonians believe that you should just say it how it is and no beating around the bush..... Ahhh!!!! my garden but that's another thing.....

Hopefully you will be able to follow my little Blog even though we may all end up barking up the wrong dingo.... I have been told that some think I'm nut's but ehhh ho!! each to ya own I say,what! rather old bean ... more tea vicar...
As time tick's on you will understand or maybe not !!! what I'm going on about and may raise a smile on ya face!